Dating in DSM

It’s 2012, how are people still not up to speed on how to properly use their phones (as well as manners) when dating?? Here’s a few of my favorite topics and how phone etiquette comes into play. Yes, there are sometimes “grey” areas but if you’re unsure, don’t be a d-bag and just ask a trustworthy friend for advice.

“The 3 Day” Rule: Anyone who waits three days before calling/texting/whatever is an idiot. We all have our phones with us 24/7 and expect communication to be quick and efficient. Let’s put this into perspective: you pull up your pizza-ordering app and place an order but the pizza doesn’t come for three days. First of all, you’re annoyed about waiting, but more importantly, you’ve moved on and you’re no longer hungry for pizza. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you certainly don’t want to be adding a new friend to Facebook while you’re still at the bar where you met them. My advice: wait until the next day and send an “It was great to meet you. Want to grab a drink this week?” text. When they text back, call your future date to discuss the day/time/place/attire/etc. for your date. Success!

“No Calls After 10pm”: When I was younger my mom said it was very inappropriate to call someone’s house after 10pm and that even 9pm was pushing it. Mom was right back then and she’s still right. On occasion I do send text messages after 10pm because my schedule is weird and if I don’t text late at night, I’ll completely forget to send the message the next day. However, a text is more laid back than a phone call and even if the recipient checks it that night, it’s still okay (though not necessarily preferred) as long as it isn’t a phone call. Exception to this rule: If you’re already texting or calling, go for it — they’re awake and want to chat.

“Booty Call!”: Thanks to my web analytics, I know that one of my first posts, “The Levels of Dating”, is by far my most-read post. Apparently I’m not the only one who gets a little confused on relationship titles and expectations. And with the joys of dating new people comes the fun and exciting “booty call.” Now, I have nothing against a good ol’ booty call when used correctly. But when used incorrectly, it’s annoying, confusing and makes you look like an idiot. A little more detail: If you’ve never really spent time with the person before, don’t make a booty call. If it’s a work night and it’s past 10pm (heck maybe even 8pm!), don’t make a booty call. If it’s 3pm and you’re looking for a friend for that night, don’t make a booty call. If it’s 3pm and you’re looking for a friend for the afternoon, hey, you can give it a shot but don’t expect too much. It’s okay to make a booty call when… you’ve been intimate before and agree late-night hookups are awesome. It’s a weekend night and you’ve had a couple of drinks, it’s 1:15am and you could use some company.

“Too Much Texting”: Texting is an amazing invention for a quick question or a “hey it was great to meet you” message. Texting should NOT be used as a medium for a full conversation. If you want to chat it up, please find the recipient’s number in your address book and dial it. If it’s a bad time to talk, the recipient should decline the conversation at that time and call you back at another time. If the recipient doesn’t answer, you can leave a vmail message or send a quick text saying something cute/witty/engaging. Example: “Hey, the girls and I are debating who the best pitcher of all time is and needed a guy’s opinion. I’m voting for the guy in the blue outfit – give me a quick call when you have a second!” And yes, it can be SO lame but if the recipient is interested, they’ll find “blue outfit” adorable and you’ll get a call. 

I know dating and using your phone manners can sometimes be tricky but it’s definitely worth the effort. What other phone issues drive you crazy?

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Tags: booty call, dating etiquette, manners, phone, texting, three date rule

This past weekend I was out with some girlfriends for drinks and overheard a small group discussing whether or not they were going to celebrate Valentine’s Day as “SAD” day (Singles Awareness Day). While it’s an interesting concept, it always has a negative connotation and we all know how I feel about being single! Of course my ears picked up to hear what they decided. They went on and on about being single and how it’s a bummer and blah, blah, blah. I kind of wanted to smack them and ask them how crying over their drinks about being single was going to have a positive impact on their dating lives. Nonetheless, they drank more and danced to all the Whitney Houston tribute songs playing (after all, don’t we all just want to dance with somebody?).

I’m a pretty firm believer that attitude is everything — my mom once bought me a t-shirt that said that and every time I wore it she would remind me about how attitude really IS everything. Thanks, Mom! Anyway, sulking and feeling bad for yourself only makes you feel worse. Having a poor attitude about dating (like, when my “back on the horse” date for tomorrow was cancelled with no suggestion of rescheduling…) only gets you more alone time on the couch. Instead, being excited about meeting new people and the opportunity for dating will get you much further. For example, since my evening has opened up tomorrow, I’ll be enjoying a fabulous dinner with a girlfriend and delicious drinks out on the town. We won’t leave my apartment with the hope of meeting nice single men, but if it happens, it’s just a bonus!

Well, today is Valentine’s Day (and my gma’s birthday!) and while all the singles could spend the night in tears after not receiving any doily-print Valentines, I suggest we celebrate the moment with a great glass of wine and wonderful friends (or family). Remember, a partner can’t change your life, but great friends and an optimistic attitude truly can. Happy Valentine’s Day!

So tell me, singles and partnereds, how are you spending your V-Day?

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So what does a woman do when she has a full day to herself and no one to worry about? Well, here’s what I did today:
- Made a “to do” list of approximately one gazillion things to accomplish and prioritized them. Apparently putting all my CDs on my computer will need to wait yet another week.
- Ran to Alterations by Tran to get a belt shortened (a clearance purchase from a year ago that will go perfectly with a new dress I have)
- Now in the shopping mood, I went to JC Penny’s to check out their new pricing system. Then I fell in love with everything I saw including some HOT snakeskin-print heels! Don’t you just love ‘em!!!

- Target run for a return and to purchase a photo frame for a pic of me and my girlfriends, found a cute top and a pair of black flats (oh yeah, I picked up some red flats at JCP too–oops!)
- Work errand to World Market and then to Bed, Bath and Beyond
- While in the neighborhood, I might have stopped at DSW and Old Navy. Hey, I might return those things and I was in desperate need of retail therapy today!
- Dropped everything at home and then a quick meeting at work.
- Back home for a phone call with a girlfriend and picked up dinner.

With the entire evening to myself I watched some TV, whitened my teeth, tried to come up with new “evening” makeup looks (such a waste of time–can someone just come and do my eyes for me???), washed and moisturized my face (how else do you think this 28-year-old woman gets mistaken for a 24-year-old!). Oh, and I scheduled a date for next Wednesday.

Yep, my first date since the breakup. I’m not nervous at all–at least not right now. But I am already beginning to panic on what I will wear that night. At least it’s just for drinks.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s scary to think that I’m back on the market when only a couple months ago I was looking forward to getting married. But unlike a lot of people, I actually enjoy the awkward first dates. It’s kind of a cool moment when you’re getting ready to head out the door with the excitement that the date might be a dud or maybe he’ll be the last first date you ever have. I’m much too practical to be a hopeless romantic, but I believe in hope and romance.

Well this single lady needs to tidy up her apartment and put these new packages away! Have sweet dreams and happy dating!

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Tags: primping, Single, texting

So, it’s been about a week and with LOTS of support from my friends and family (as well as my fav country break-up songs), I’m doing just fine. Not amazing, but definitely getting there. Since it’s Saturday night and I’m not working tomorrow, I’m hitting the town hard with a best girlfriend of mine to have some cocktails, revive my old dancemoves and have a great “single girls” night out. Will I be checking out every fellow I see? Nah, probably not. But I am looking forward to an evening of getting my groove back.

Until the night officially starts, I’m doing laundry, and cooking myself dinner with whatever pasta, veggies and turkey sausage I have, and relaxing. Ahhh… to be single again!

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Sometimes love means doing the last thing you ever wanted to do. Or thought you’d do. Sometimes love means doing what’s best for you and the other person. Sometimes love means doing the hardest thing in the world in order to continue loving that person. Sometimes love means saying you can’t anymore. Sometimes love means sitting in your yoga pants with a chilled glass of wine, restarting your blog.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve blogged. During that time, I was in love and happy and thought nothing could ever come between me and the man I loved. I was wrong. As we grow and learn and change, so do our relationships. Sometimes they end even though nothing bad happened. But that’s just the way things are sometimes. It’s always hard to decide that a relationship should end, but when that moment comes, it’s the choice that has to be made.

Breaking up is hard to do.

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Goodness a lot has happened since my last post! My brand-new boyfriend moved to Charlotte and within 2 months was back living in Iowa and watching movies with me on the couch! Unfortunately (well, fortunately for me!!), his plans in NC did not work out as well as he had hoped so he moved back to Iowa to be close to family and friends and start his own business.

When he told me (via G-chat) that he was moving back I could hardly contain my excitement. I felt terrible for him that his plans fell through, but let’s face it — I missed him so much and couldn’t wait to get back to seeing him in person!

Our relationship has been on a steady rise of happiness but we’ve started to finish out the “honeymoon stage” as my job gets busier and he goes through the stress and paperwork of becoming a business owner. But to make sure we still spend quality time with each other, we started a couples’ golf league with our mutual friends. Justin is a great golfer but it had been nine years since I’ve picked up a club. We’ve played three weeks now and while I haven’t improved much, his soft, encouraging words have definitely helped — well, that and the fact that he buys the beers on the course

We’re still early in our relationship (almost eight months) but we’ve definitely gone through many stressful events like him moving away, moving back and now him starting his own business in our short time as a couple. I think if we can continue making time for “us” — which I actually just figured out how to schedule time on his Gmail calendar — whoop whoop! — the rest should fall into place. I’ll let you know how our next date goes.

‘Til then, happy dating!
k

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